Our Rainbow

Our rainbow baby has arrived!!!
Born Sunday, May 19 at 4:18 a.m.
9 lbs, 11 oz and 22.5 inches of pure perfection.
Delivered via c-section due to his large size, after 30 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude at God's faithfulness.
Being mommy to this little boy is more than I ever could have imagined, and watching my husband get to be a daddy brings tears to my eyes at least once a day.

We are so in love.


Just Born



1 week old

Mother's Day...in Limbo

I had expected this Mother's Day to be different than those I've struggled through in the past few painful years.  And it was different, just not exactly how I expected.  I had expected to be holding my baby boy in my arms, filled with thankfulness.  Instead, I had him in my belly, and was filled with thankfulness.

I attended church, almost a week overdue, and had people "sympathize" with me, saying, "oh, it won't be long now, hang in there!" or "you must be so done!".  In reality, while I am incredibly anxious and ready to meet our boy, I'm really just cherishing these last days...the last days (hopefully) of being a childless couple, and the last days of feeling the miracle of our child moving inside of me. There is no sympathy needed. I'm ready, sure- ready to be a mother...but God has this planned out.  His timing is right.  I've been filled with a sense of peace, and am praying that I am right to feel at peace.  That the worst is over, and that a new, joy-filled chapter is about to begin.

As I was saying, I went to church on Mother's Day morning, with mixed emotions.  In the past few years, I've skipped the service on Mother's Day when at all possible, because it was too painful to sit through.  On Sunday morning, we ran into a friend of ours.  He and his wife have been struggling with infertility for years.  We stood in the hallway and chatted for awhile, but I was distracted.  I couldn't help but notice that he was alone.  My heart broke for his wife, because though I didn't ask, I knew his wife was at home, suffering.  I felt guilty for being in a different place this year.  Then, as we walked through the lobby of church, I saw something that reminded me of another friend of mine, much older than me, who was never able to have children.  And I knew that she, as well, was sitting at home on Mother's Day, like she does each year, rather than attending the service, to protect her dear heart.

When we finally got into the service, the kid's choir sang, and before the special speaker for the morning gave his message, he prayed.  And during that prayer, he prayed so genuinely for the women who feel pain on Mother's Day because they have lost children or because they are waiting to be or not able to be mothers.

I lost it.  Verging on ugly crying, I had tears streaming down my face during the prayer.  I was thinking of where I've been, and pouring out gratitude to God for his answer to prayer.  And then I was thinking about where I've been, and of those women, especially my two dear friends, who are still in that place.
That man's prayer meant so much to me.  It's the first time I remember having a pastor or speaker specifically acknowledge childless women on Mother's Day.  Usually there's a blanket statement made, to the effect of "we recognize that Mother's Day can be painful for certain individuals, for various reasons..." but to hear someone pray so earnestly for these women affected my heart so deeply.
This gentleman, who spoke about Hannah's story, shared the story of he and his wife's own miscarriage early in their marriage.

 I know that pregnancy loss, or the longing to have a child is a depressing topic to think about on Mother's Day, but I so appreciated the speaker's message, and his honesty.  Rather than focusing just on the fact that Hannah did become a mother, and that God answered her prayer, he also spent a good deal of time speaking about those days when Hannah struggled, when she was childless.

It was another tearful Mother's Day for me, but for slightly different reasons than in the past.  It was interesting for me to be "in limbo" this year.  Not in the dark place I've been in for the past few years, but not yet with a child in my arms.

For those of you who are thankful to just have "made it through" the emotions of another Mother's Day, I know that pain, and my prayers are with you.  Praying that God fills you with peace and comfort.

Our Home Sweet Home

Well, no updates on the baby front.  I'm still pregnant (6 days past due), and just waiting for our little guy to make his arrival.  I was really hoping to have him in my arms by Mother's Day, but I got to enjoy his movements inside me instead.  And I'm ok with that.  If nothing happens before tomorrow (ha!), I have an appointment for all kinds of tests to see if we need to induce labor.

So, here are some house updates instead!
First... the floors.  Let me just say, refinishing (old) hardwood floors is not for the faint of heart.  And probably isn't the best idea for beginners.  We had MANY setbacks in the process, and now that they're done, they look good, but not perfect.  There are spots that had to be touched up that look quite wonky, and there are bubbles in the finish.  Still tons better than before, but my poor husband nearly lost his mind in the process.  Here are some before & after pics:

Living Room BEFORE

Living Room AFTER

Hallway BEFORE

Hallway AFTER

Nursery BEFORE

Nursery AFTER

I've found that things change quite drastically once you own a home.
Here's my list of some things we've discovered:

Lessons Learned by a New Homeowner:
1) You will never have enough time or money to fix everything you want to fix when you want it fixed.  Maybe this only applies to people who buy an older home, but still!

2) The hardware store will be your new hangout.  We probably visited a hardware store once a year while living in our apartment. Now, we're at Lowes three times a week. I'm totally not exaggerating.

3) You'll be sorry you didn't do it sooner. I can't believe we survived for almost five years in our little TINY one bedroom apartment that had carpet everywhere (including in the kitchen and the bathroom). Even so, I still shed a few tears on the day we turned in our keys.  Such a big change, and such a big chapter closed. 10 years ago we started dating. Five years ago we got married and moved into our little apartment, and here we are, 5 years later, having a baby and moving into our first home.  Bittersweet. Mostly sweet, though.

4) Houses make lots of strange noises.  You will be terrified by each and every one.  (Wait, that second part probably only applies to me.)  My husband has gotten used to going on nightly sweeps through the house, shotgun in hand, because I'm sure I heard something. Whoops. The locksmith probably didn't help the situation by saying "Life is a constant battle between us and the crooks."  Also, DON'T read terrible, scary books during your first few nights in a new place.  Dean Koontz's "Hideaway"=good book,  but terrifying choice.

5) You want to make friends with your neighbors.  We happened to have one set of amazing neighbors in our apartment, who became some of our best friends, but I really could have cared less who lived next to me. Now, we know we have to live next to these people for quite awhile, so it pays to make nice.

6) You'll have your own unique set of bugs.  For honest- every house I've ever lived in has a different "collection" of buggish residents.  Let's just say, I did NOT miss the centipedes for the past 5 years.  Ick.  One day I had a one hour staring contest with a bug on our bedroom wall, waiting for Brad to get home to kill it.  I didn't want to let it out of my sight until it was dead. I don't kill bugs.  Trap them under glasses and leave them for the hubster to find later, yes.  Kill them, no way.

7) Everyone wants to see your new house. Right away. It's incredibly overwhelming to give tours of your house to four sets of parents, 9 siblings (and their significant others & kids), grandparents, friends, etc, etc. Especially when you have baby showers being thrown for you the first two weekends you're in the house.  And nothing is unpacked.  And you have a nursery to get ready.  And you're 36 weeks pregnant with feet the size of walruses. I was feeling the love, but I have to say, I was relieved when the visitors finally slowed down.  (I know, this is probably magnified times 1,000 with a new baby, huh?).

8) You will finally feel grown up.  Perhaps if you had children before owning a home, this doesn't quite apply, but for us, marriage didn't quite make us feel like grown-ups, nor did having an apartment together, or even suffering through losing pregnancies.  But standing alone together in the kitchen of our home on settlement day, keys in hand, we felt pretty stinkin old. I even said "Are we old enough to be doing this?  We're not grown up enough for this!"

9) Mowing the yard is fun.  Apparently.  This one is according to the hubby.  I told him I'd remind him of that statement someday. But for now, I'm more than happy to let him have fun.  Have at it, love!

10) You will enjoy exploring and learning.  We've had hilarious times figuring out the quirks and awesome parts of our new house.  "Hey, did you know that if you press this button, the faucet sprays water?!" "Uh, hun, did you notice the big crack in the wall that looks like a face?  What's up with that?"  "Babe?!?!  The microwave is making a horrible sound- help me!"   And learning to use a gas stove?  Well, let's just say I ran out of the room the first few times Brad turned on the burners to show me how they work.  But now I'm cooking on gas without screaming.  Progress, my friends.

That's all for now, hopefully a baby update will be coming soon.  Prayers are appreciated!
I'll leave you with a few baby shower pictures, and a few of me and my love.

Still Here!

Just wanted to update- I'm still here, still pregnant, and officially in our new house-woo!

I'd thrill you all with lovely pictures, if I could only find the cord that connects the memory card to the computer.  Until then, the "after" floor pictures and baby shower pictures shall have to wait.

Little guy is due in a week and a half, and I'm still not ready.  Excited, yes.  Ready, no.  I'm ready to be a mom, for sure.  (been ready for that one for almost four years).  But there are loose ends that I would prefer to have tied before this dude arrives. I have things to wrap up at work before my maternity leave replacement officially takes over, and many many things to do at home.  Like get the nursery ready.

As much as I love the growing mountain of baby paraphanalia that is in the middle of our bedroom floor (I do love the fact that in our new house we have ROOM for a mountain to be in the middle of our floor), I would much rather have it all put away in his room. We're repainting the nursery this weekend.  The original color we chose was Valspar Metropolis.  Supposed to be gray, but it's definitely blue.  So, we shall try again.

Next time I update, there shall be pictures, either of a baby, or of floors and such.  One may be slightly more exciting to anticipate than the other. :)
In the meantime, I will tie up those ends, and keep praying that we finally get to bring home our rainbow.